I have been thinking long and hard about this, but I have a terrible affliction. I am sharing this because you may have the same affliction and we all need to recognize the symptoms and combat this as a team. What is the issue: Sparkleosis **grabs a tissue and wipes tears**. Allow me to share what I have learned so that we can find ways to make it worse!!!
What is Sparkleosis? An infectious disease, esp. in women, men, children, dogs, and cats, causing you to stop, stare, and drool over something that has some serious sparkle. Sparkle can be referred to as glitter, ice (or iced out), bling-bling (or just bling), shine, sparkle, glitz, radiant, jeweled, diamond, crystallized, etc…
What causes sparkleosis and how is it spread? Sparkleosis can be caused by catching a glimpse of something shiny out the corner of your eye or having full on eye contact with some serious sparkle. It can spread quickly by a touch on the shoulder and pointing with your mouth open, a happy squeal from someone standing next to you, or by staring directly at an array of mini-prisms that are reflected due to light hitting facets on a cut piece of shiny. Pieces of shiny can include, diamonds, Swarovski or preciosa precisions cut crystals, glitter, silver, gold, or any gorgeousness that causes a reflection.
The first symptoms of sparkleosis is enlarged eyes, laughter, staring, drooling, but most often a powerful distraction that causes you to forget what you were thinking, doing, saying, or going. Humans and pets alike may feel fabulously beautiful when adorned in sparkle; this feeling is caused by the extra attention from others around you as you strut your stuff. Sparkleosis appears immediately after coming in contact with any sparkly objects (contact includes but limited to touching, wearing, showing it to your friends for their approval, and / or putting it on your pet’s neck and waiting for oooos and ahhhhhs. This. Is. Serious. People.
Are there any known cure(s)? Who the hell cares?!
This has been a Public Service Announcement from The Twisted Cow.